just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize