I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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