So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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