Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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