Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
