Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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