god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize