I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
