I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
