maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
