ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
