Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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