he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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