saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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