Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
