nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
