I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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