My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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