Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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