I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
