Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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