Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
