can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
