then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
