dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
