i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
