dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
