My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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