Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
