I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
