I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
