he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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