I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
sarcasm needs its own font
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
