alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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