note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
