i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there's paper in my vomit.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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