Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
