Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
