Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
