My friends, they love my intelligence
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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