feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Michael Bay diarrhea
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
