Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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