2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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