The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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