I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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