Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
