I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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