i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
