I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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