the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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