clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
