just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
