I want you more than these girls want KFC
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
