plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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