FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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