Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish you could order shots online.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
