Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
