I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
