Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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