I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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