the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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