don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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