I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
