He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
