When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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