I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
