I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
