its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
