That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
