We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
