I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
