Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
